Study: 87% Of LA Middle Schoolers Currently In Ackerman A-Level
WESTWOOD — Nearly 87% of children attending middle school in L.A. are currently standing around in Ackerman A-Level, according to a recent study conducted by […]
Op-Ed: Leaking Classified Information Is Only A Big Deal If It’s Emails
What’s all this outcry about me leaking classified info to the Russians? Believe me, I know a lot of people and none of them are […]
Point: USAC Is An Essential Part of Student Representation/Counterpoint: USAC Kind Of Sounds Like Ballsack
Point: USAC Is An Essential Part of Student Representation By: Janice Miller The Undergraduate Student Association Council serves UCLA through creating programs and passing […]
What USAC Actually Stands For
Many have asked and many have conjectured – what does USAC truly stand for? It is a question we mouth whenever we are forced to […]
Trump Fires Biggest Supporter
WASHINGTON–The White House announced in a press release this Tuesday that President Donald J. Trump has terminated one of the most prominent and influential supporters […]
Op-Ed: We Can’t Subsidize People Who Are Irresponsible Enough To Get Cancer
Dear American People, I have received many angry letters, body parts, and obscene photographs in the mail recently, and I find that very disappointing. The […]
Man Unaware Spooky Skeleton Inside Him
RICHMOND, VA—According to his friends, local man Steve Crandall is currently unaware there is a spooky skeleton not-so-deep inside of him. “Steve made a joke […]
Report: Health-Conscious Sorority Girl Later Seen Vomiting Smirnoff In Fraternity Bathroom
WESTWOOD–Health-conscious sorority member Sabrina Templin was reportedly seen at 2 A.M. Saturday morning, curled up onto the feces-stained tile of a fraternity bathroom floor, violently […]
Hookah Bar Definitely A Front
WESTWOOD–UCLA students confirmed this past week that local hookah bar Habubu Cafe is most definitely a front for an ambiguous black-market industry. “It’s like, never […]
RA Responds To Keurig Explosion
WESTWOOD–Sproul Hall Residential Advisor (RA) Shay Stephens responded to a violent and fiery Keurig coffee maker explosion on the fifth floor this past Friday night. […]