National Crisis Averted By New National Crisis
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Last week, the United States experienced a tragic event that altered the lives of many and was covered by every news outlet […]
J.K. Rowling Announces on Twitter that John Wooden is Gay
WESTWOOD – Beloved fantasy author J.K. Rowling turned to Twitter this morning to announce that deceased UCLA basketball coach John Wooden is gay. “I’m so […]
UCLA Student Not Photographer But Does Have iPhone With Portrait Mode
WESTWOOD — Recent reports from the “UCLA Free & For Sale” Facebook page have indicated that third-year student Liz Samuels did not consider herself a photographer […]
Self-Proclaimed “Cool” Professor Overheats in Leather Jacket
WESTWOOD — Earlier this week, adjunct History professor Dennis Falsk fainted during an intense lecture on early Mesopotamian farming practices after refusing to take off […]
MISSING: Friend Who Said “We Should Hangout Sometime.”
WESTWOOD — Concerned acquaintances have filed a missing persons report for Allison Nguyen, who was last seen in passing in the dining halls after some […]
Study: Doodling on Pen and Paper Has Better Retention Than Doodling on Electronic Devices
WESTWOOD — A recent study has shown that those students who distract themselves in class by doodling on their electronic writing devices may be suffering […]
UCLA Breaks Ground on Ben Shapiro School of Owning the Libs
WESTWOOD — Reflecting UCLA’s commitment to recognizing the achievements of its distinguished alumni as well as its desire to offer an education that encompasses a […]
Ghost Kinda Weirded Out by How Often Family Visits Grave
WESTWOOD — Days before his three year death anniversary, ghost of the late “Pawpaw” Brian Krane reported to be kinda weirded out by how often […]
Lesbian Doesn’t Have Boyfriend Yet, Grandma Reports
FRESNO, CA — Third-year Human Biology Major and open lesbian Marcy Yee went home this holiday season without a man, to the utter shock of […]
UCLA Bans Bruin Walk Flyerers in Effort to Eliminate Waste by 2020
WESTWOOD — As part of UCLA’s green initiative to eliminate all waste by 2020, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that flyers and subsequent flyer-ers on […]