Self-Proclaimed “Cool” Professor Overheats in Leather Jacket

Graphic by Sara Pearson

WESTWOOD — Earlier this week, adjunct History professor Dennis Falsk fainted during an intense lecture on early Mesopotamian farming practices after refusing to take off his leather jacket. “It was like, really really hot out and a ton of people were telling Professor Falsk to take off his leather jacket, but he just kept insisting that he can’t get hot because he’s so cool,” said first-year Sociology major Erica Bernardi, adding that Falsk has never been seen without his leather jacket and signature puka shell necklace. “He spends most of the lecture talking about his dirtbike and the different raves he goes to, so when he started sweating we all thought it was pretty normal. I mean, he makes us call him F-Man, so it didn’t seem too out of the ordinary and then he just dropped.” Falsk is reported to make a full recovery and will be back oversharing pieces of his personal life within the week.

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RIP Griffin Stout (1996-2023) Failed Comedy Writer and Pet Owner. RIP Bark Ruffalo (2007-2007)