Powell To Be Converted Into Temple For John Wooden
WESTWOOD —The UCLA Department of Administration held a joint ad-hoc meeting last Tuesday with the Center for the Study of Religion (CSR) to discuss plans […]
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Local Sorority Girl Only Mildly Satisfied With Big
WESTWOOD — Following her sorority’s “big-little” ceremony, first year Mikayla Montgomery revealed to Enabler reporters that she did not actually feel an immediate sense of […]
Rhythmic Sounds Coming From Roommate’s Bed
WESTWOOD — Late Wednesday evening, third year Electrical Engineering student Devin Thacker reported hearing loud, rhythmic sounds coming from the bed of his roommate, Tanner […]
Thousands Of Red Solo Cups Displaced By War On Christmas
GENEVA — Since the beginning of Starbucks’ announced “War on Christmas” last week, thousands of red solo cups have left their homeland in fear of […]
Obama Deploys Troops To The Middle East Per Tradition
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In keeping with executive tradition, President Barack Obama announced on Oct. 30 that he had authorized the deployment of ground forces in […]
Dropped Pencil Sparks Spontaneous Rendezvous With Classmate’s Crotch
WESTWOOD — Second-year Natalia Peña had an impromptu meeting with a classmate’s crotch today after she accidentally dropped her pencil between their seats. “The whole […]
Student Takes Three-Hour-Long Twenty-Minute Nap
WESTWOOD — Third-year UCLA student Christine Rivera allegedly engaged in a twenty-minute nap for three hours early Wednesday evening after a stressful morning of classes. “I […]
Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween
WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]
Obama Opens Border To El Niño
WASHINGTON D.C. — President Barack Obama signed a controversial executive order this morning to open the border for the southern climate oscillation, El Niño. The […]
Student Has Perfect Thing To Add To Lecture
WESTWOOD — Much to the admiration of those around her, second year Jessica Grant confirmed Monday that she had like the perfect thing to add to […]