The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Life
    • Roommates
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

slider

Op-Ed: Every Morning I Wake Up And Go To War

May 20, 2019 Jared from ROTC 0

What are you doing at 4:00 in the morning? Most of UCLA is either asleep, hungover like degenerate civilians, or having sex without giving a […]

Gene Block Mentioned 26 Times In Mueller Report For Some Reason

April 18, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on his team’s investigation into potential links between the Trump campaign and Moscow was made public […]

Ted Lieu Voted Sexiest Man Alive By Bruin Democrats

February 12, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — At the club’s most recent policy meeting, members of Bruin Democrats unanimously voted California Representative Ted Lieu the “sexiest man alive,” the group’s […]

Arby’s Always An Option, Reports Area Dad

January 27, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

BAKERSFIELD — Glancing at the “Food: Exit 25” sign on the side of CA State Route 99, area father and Carlson family patriarch Neal Carlson reminded his […]

LGBTQ Center’s Free Printing Jeopardizes Straight Man’s Heterosexual Reputation

January 27, 2019 Mackenzi Elias 0

WESTWOOD — Red Bull Campus Ambassador Colin Greene was seen lingering an appropriate fifteen feet outside of the UCLA LGBTQ Center, contemplating whether he should enter the […]

Report: Cool Kids Smoke Cigarettes Again?

January 27, 2019 Hannah Page 0

WESTWOOD — After nearly 60 years of steadily declining cigarette usage in the United States, a a study conducted by the UCLA Department of Sociology has confirmed […]

Breaking: Professor Enters Classroom With Saxophone

January 27, 2019 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD, 10:07 a.m. — Westwood Enabler reporters have obtained disturbing reports from campus administration that a professor has entered the Boelter Hall amphitheatre with a […]

TA Can’t Wait To Mansplain Chemistry To Female Students

June 10, 2017 Hannah Page 0

WESTWOOD—New Chemistry 144 teaching assistant Christian Lopez reportedly cannot wait to mansplain chemistry to his female students.“It’s tough to be a woman in STEM these […]

Last Chunk Of Pet Hamster Still Stuck In Roomba

June 10, 2017 Jasmine Don 0

LOS ANGELES — The last remaining chunk of Muffin, a local dwarf hamster, is still stuck in a Roomba belonging to area woman Janine Ordonez. […]

Woman Unsure If Working Out An Act of Self-Love or Self-Hate

June 10, 2017 Hannah Page 0

DENVER — Considering her many different emotions regarding working out, area woman Colleen Simpson stated that she was unsure whether she thinks of exercising as an […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 24 »

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

    April 14, 2025 0
  • Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

    Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

    April 12, 2025 0
  • OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

    April 11, 2025 0
  • “Bruintizing” To Be Replaced With Getting Hit By A Scooter

    April 10, 2025 0
  • Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

    April 9, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes