Freshman Has Yet To Meet Gay Best Friend
WESTWOOD — First year student Carly Lockwood told reporters last Friday that she does not understand how, in nearly two months at UCLA, she has […]
Campus
Powell To Be Converted Into Temple For John Wooden
WESTWOOD —The UCLA Department of Administration held a joint ad-hoc meeting last Tuesday with the Center for the Study of Religion (CSR) to discuss plans […]
Local Sorority Girl Only Mildly Satisfied With Big
WESTWOOD — Following her sorority’s “big-little” ceremony, first year Mikayla Montgomery revealed to Enabler reporters that she did not actually feel an immediate sense of […]
Rhythmic Sounds Coming From Roommate’s Bed
WESTWOOD — Late Wednesday evening, third year Electrical Engineering student Devin Thacker reported hearing loud, rhythmic sounds coming from the bed of his roommate, Tanner […]
Dropped Pencil Sparks Spontaneous Rendezvous With Classmate’s Crotch
WESTWOOD — Second-year Natalia Peña had an impromptu meeting with a classmate’s crotch today after she accidentally dropped her pencil between their seats. “The whole […]
Student Takes Three-Hour-Long Twenty-Minute Nap
WESTWOOD — Third-year UCLA student Christine Rivera allegedly engaged in a twenty-minute nap for three hours early Wednesday evening after a stressful morning of classes. “I […]
Report: Ambiguity Maybe Annoying Sometimes
WESTWOOD—A recent report from the Eh Center of Studies suggests that ambiguity may be annoying sometimes. Released sometime in the last month, the report hints […]
Student Dresses Up As Ackerman Bathrooms For Halloween
WESTWOOD — Reports confirm that second year Linguistics major Sarah Halladay plans to dress up as the Ackerman Student Union restrooms for this year’s Halloween festivities. […]
Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween
WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]
Out-Of-State Student Thrilled by Scenic View Of LA Smog
WESTWOOD, CA — According to sources, out-of-state student Roberta Flemington is reportedly delighted that her room in Dykstra Hall overlooks the famed Los Angeles smog. […]