Rieber Smell To Destabilize Region By 2020
WESTWOOD—The UCLA Political Science department released a report Wednesday indicating that unless drastic actions were taken, the smell emanating from between the Rieber and Holly […]
Campus
Report: All Late Night Curly Fries Traced Back To Single “Mother Fry”
WESTWOOD—In a report issued by the UCLA Center for Sustenance Research, scientists have confirmed that all curly fries from De Neve Late Night are traceable […]
Student Still Believes She Can Make A Difference
WESTWOOD–Citing her optimistic attitude and enthusiastic involvement in several clubs, sources confirmed that first year Kelsey Weaver still thinks she can make a significant impact […]
UCLA Student Spends Exciting Friday Night Cleaning Apartment
WESTWOOD–Claiming she had turned down several invitations to do it, fourth year Asian Humanities major Jessie Harlan spent her Friday night cleaning her apartment. “It’s […]
Roommate Has Friend Over For Some Reason
WESTWOOD—Second-year physics student Trevor Barnes arrived at his dorm late Tuesday evening to discover that his roommate, Tom Bornstein, had a friend over for some […]
Student Finds Roommate’s Bong Or Dildo, Not Sure Which
WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass […]
Study: 78% Of People Don’t Realize How Miserable They Should Be
WESTWOOD — A team of sociologists from UCLA, working in conjunction with distinguished scholars from the University of Washington and Saint Mary’s College, have concluded […]
English Major Definitely Writing The Great American Novel
WESTWOOD — First-year English student Henry Bellows is definitely working on the Great American novel, sources close to him reported. “Oh yeah, he totally is,” […]
Frat Boy Fears Commitment On Valentine’s Day Too
WESTWOOD—Waking up next to yet another drunken hookup, third-year frat brother Tanner McCormick confessed to reporters he was not interested in pursuing a long term […]
Satirical Newspaper Shamelessly Promotes Own Bake Sale
WWW.WESTWOODENABLER.COM—Withholding all regard for professionalism and self-respect, satirical newspaper “The Westwood Enabler” published an article about its Valentine’s Day bake sale today, an act […]