Report: Headphone Volume No Match For Crunchy Chip
WESTWOOD—Area man Louis Miller reported on Monday that no matter how high he turned the volume of his earbuds, he could not overpower the sound […]
Campus
Body Language of Bruin Mascot at Events Growing Increasingly Despondent, Depressing
WESTWOOD — UCLA students watched with curiosity over the past several weeks as the body language of Joe Bruin, the school’s lovable mascot who attends […]
Report: Student Had Busy Day, But Friend’s Was Even Busier
WESTWOOD—Student Alfie Hochman reported last Friday that he had a busy day, but his friend’s was even busier. “I had a class from 9-10 a.m., […]
UCLA Unveils New Student Fee
WESTWOOD — UCLA students and faculty gathered in Bruin Plaza this past Friday to observe Gene Block ceremonially unveil the university’s newest student fee. Simply […]
Man Excited By Text Realizes It’s Only BruinAlert Testing
WESTWOOD — Area man Justin Chang received a text on Friday evening while sitting at home and flipping between porn and Netflix, only to realize […]
Roommate Shirtless Again
WESTWOOD – Sources confirmed this evening that your roommate is shirtless again. “Yeah, it’s cool, man,” your roommate said, unabashedly exposing his bare chest with […]
Los Angeles Monsoon Takes The Lives Of Four Thousand Leather Shoes
LOS ANGELES, CA — A mass grave erected in the middle of Brentwood was completed today, with an ornate tombstone dedicating the site to the […]
Teen Disappointed Safe Space Lacks Wifi
WESTWOOD—Although thankful she has a space to comfortably feel free of hostilities, third-year gender studies major Charlotte Smith expressed concerns over the lack of reliable […]
Gene Block Invites Students To Challenge Him In One-On-One Basketball
WESTWOOD—In an email sent out to the student body today, Chancellor Gene Block notified the school that he has set aside time to face students […]
Even Professor Piterberg Kind Of Surprised He Got His Old Job Back
WESTWOOD—After returning to campus with very few repercussions for the sexual harassment he committed two years earlier, Professor Piterberg recently announced that even he is […]