Campus
UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]
Undercover With The UCPD Scooter Squad
WESTWOOD — In the UCPD campus safety system, scooter-based offenses are considered especially heinous. The dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious misdemeanors are members of […]
Financial Aid Office Suggests Trying Ramen
WESTWOOD — With the COVID-19 pandemic leaving many in financial peril, the UCLA Office of Financial Aid has released an advisory statement suggesting that struggling […]
Ackerman Ice Machine Still Broken To Raise Awareness For Melting Ice Caps
WESTWOOD — After receiving numerous student complaints, UCLA Administration announced that they will not be fixing the Ackerman ice machine to raise awareness for the […]
Second Year Learns To Do Laundry
WESTWOOD — Rieber Hall residents can now breathe a sigh of relief as second-year resident Emmet Turring (no relation) has finally learned to do his […]
Powell Cat’s Nudes Leaked
WESTWOOD — Shockwaves were felt across the UCLA campus yesterday after Powell Cat’s publicist, Meea Yao, released a statement claiming that multiple students’ Instagram stories […]
Ackerman Smoothie Robot Also Striking
ACKERMAN STUDENT UNION — In a unanimous vote, the Ackerman Beverage Kiosk Robotic Arm Union solidified plans for a strike. “I will bring UCLA to […]
Food Truck Fortune Cookie Lists Exact Time, Location of Death
WESTWOOD — First-year engineering major Bob Virgyn was surprised last Thursday night after his fortune cookie revealed the exact time and location of his death. […]
Opinion: How Bringing My Copy Of “Ready Player Two” With Me To The Dining Hall Helped Me Get Laid
Like many UCLA students, I had hoped to experience my first romance at this fine institution, but as an oft-ignored fellow, that moment seemed like […]