Meet Cute? These Two Campus Tour Guides Walked Backwards Into Each Other
WESTWOOD — Love was in the air Wednesday morning as Julia Benson and Sam Hernandez walked backwards into each other while leading campus tours. “That’s […]
Life
“Heyy Girly!! Do You Mind If I Use Your First Aid Kit?” Asks Roommate Bleeding To Death
WESTWOOD — Third-year physics major Annabel Brown texted her roommate asking for permission to use her first aid kit Thursday, as she lay bleeding to […]
Gene Block To Be Sent To Farm Upstate
NICE FARM IN NORCAL — The chancellor’s office announced yesterday that at the end of the 2023-24 school year, chief executive Gene Block will be […]
Who? What? Where? And 4 Other Questions To Ask
We get it. You’re a curious little fella. There’s a lot of stuff you want to know, but you just don’t know what to ask […]
Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient
Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]
Old Guy Can Show You A Thing Or Two
YOUR NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE — After you complained about the difficulties in your life, your neighbor and local old guy Rutherford McFiddlesticks explained that he may […]
Boelter Hall Plaza To Be Turned Into Rainforest Cafe
WESTWOOD — After years of appearing only vaguely wild and jungle-like, the UCLA Samueli School of Engineering will finally be building a Rainforest Cafe in […]
Fifth-Year Continuing To Major In “Fundecided”
WESTWOOD — Long-term student Brody Martin, currently enrolled in his fifteenth quarter, informed his counselor Monday that he is taking a lighter course load this […]
Botanical Garden Turtle Confesses: Your First Date Was Cringe
Hey buddy. It’s me, Grog. Yeah, the little turtle by the bridge who saw you walking through the botanical gardens with your date. Oh, you […]
Unemployable Student Goes To Grad School
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year history major Elisa Lee, who has zero marketable skills or relevant work experience, has just announced her intention to go to graduate […]