Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]
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Housing Adds “Homoerotic Tension” Option to Male Roommate Contracts
WESTWOOD — Preparing for the renewal of roommate contracts for Winter Quarter, UCLA Housing has added a “Homoerotic Tension” clause, hoping to play matchmaker. “We […]
UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]
Uncle’s Rant At Thanksgiving Dinner Receives Lo-Fi Hip Hop Remix
LOS ANGELES – Households across America are jamming out after the release of the Scott family’s new single, “Uncle Terry’s Rant (Interlude)” ft. lo-fi hip […]
From “Ick” To “Sick”: The Guy You Were Planning On Ghosting Just Gave You Chlamydia
WESTWOOD — Second-year communications major and amateur juggler Mike Rowe Dong is reported to have given you chlamydia after a night of passionless sex. Your […]
Punching Down: Short King Victims Speak Out
WESTWOOD — The tempers of Short Kings everywhere are at an all time medium today, as recent instances of vertically-motivated violence have given a much […]
Hedrick Fire Alarm Going Off To This. Sick. Beat.
WESTWOOD — Residents of Hedrick Hall have been increasingly frustrated with the recent switch from standard fire alarms to ones with a small Taylor Swift trapped […]
