Opinion: Masks Make It Impossible to Hear My Professor, Also Being Asleep
On the first day of fall quarter, I walked into class five to forty minutes late and saw a sea of masks — blue, black, […]
News
Democrats Negotiate Stimulus Checks Down To $10 Starbucks Gift Card
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, Senate Democrats announced that the long-awaited stimulus checks will take the form of a $10 Starbucks […]
Australian Fire Update
In lieu of impending ecological collapse, UCLA continues to closely monitor the New South Wales Bushfires in accordance with the Australian government. There are currently […]
Life Hack: Attract Students To Your Study Group By Asking What Their Skeleton Looks Like
If you’re looking for members to make a study group, there’s no method more tried and true than approaching students in your class and […]
Taking A Stand: These 5 Senators Announced They Will Not Be Inviting President Trump To Their Birthday Parties
Dianne Feinstein is known by her Senate colleagues as “the Queen of birthday parties,” and this June’s big 8-5 is sure to be no […]
Administration In Turmoil: Rex Tillerson Was The Last Staffer Who Knew The White House Wi-Fi Password
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past fourteen months, you know that the Trump White House has been an absolute mess. It […]
Cute! These Founding Fathers Tried To Create A Nation With No Demagoguery
Are you ready for the most heartwarming story you’ve read all week? A group of Founding Fathers tried to create their very own nation, completely […]
Exciting News: Hovering Over Public Toilets Proves To Be Most Effective Ab Workout
BEVERLY HILLS – A recent study has revealed that the most practical way to work out your abs is by hovering over public toilets. “Whenever […]
Big Win For Mouthfeel! This Merlot Is Tannic And Velvety
Good news, mouthfeel lovers! The Edna Valley 2013 Merlot is tannic and velvety. Its deep, chewy tannins and smooth, opulent body make for a wonderfully […]
Body Positivity! This 8th Grader Drew Boobs On His Chem Textbook
Despite major strides made by #FreeTheNipple and other gender equality campaigns, the female body is still constantly viewed as a sexual object. Though male and […]