Op-Ed: I Think My Girlfriend Is Actually Tupac In Disguise
I consider myself a rational person. I take things as they come, I try not to jump to conclusions, and I definitely don’t believe in […]
opinion
Op-Ed: Jimmy Carter Is Dead
Let me be the first to say it. I’m happy to be the voice for the voiceless. After many hours of contemplation and meditation on […]
Op-Ed: If I Wear Jeans, You Must Call Me Jeans Block
To the Campus Community: On Monday morning, I substituted my normal chancellorial slacks for a pair of comfortable, stylish, denim jeans. Yet for the entire […]
Wario Opens Up About Struggle With Obesity
My name is Wario. I have been blessed to be a team member in the Nintendo franchise for 27 years, serving as a foil to […]
POINT: We Should Colonize Mars / COUNTERPOINT: Post-Colonial Literature Is Terrible
Point We Should Colonize Mars By: Arthur Von Clarksburg Space is the final frontier. Much has been said about our distant horizon, the great manifest […]
Op-Ed: Why Is Everyone So Mean To Me?
People of America, I have a message for you all. Stop being big fat meanie jerkfaces! It’s not fair! It was my turn to be […]
Op-Ed: Shouldn’t ALL Fridays Matter?
This holiday season, we’ve all gathered our families together to reminisce about the year gone by, and wish each other well into the coming year. […]
Porn Skews Young People’s Perceptions Of How Willing Pizza Guy Is To Have Sex With Them
Pornography these days is more accessible than it’s ever been, particularly to the younger generation. Porn is everywhere. It’s on the computer. It’s on the […]
Why Yes, My Daughter Would Love To Join Your Spanish Folk Dance Society
Honey. Hey honey? Chrissie-buns? Come over to this table please, I want you to meet someone. Just put your phone down for one second… Oh […]
Murmurs & Rants: Fuck Cal
Dear Cal, Fuck you. No, seriously. Fuck you. Who even let you happen? We, the students of every other UC ever, have a list of […]