Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums
Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]
opinion
Opinion: EEEEEEEK!
GEt it off Get it off! I thINK it BIT ME!!!! All I did was make the squeaky noise so it would look at me, […]
Opinion: On-Campus Residents Should Tip Their Landlord
A little birdie told me that people on campus aren’t fulfilling their duty of tipping Mr. GB. After getting a measly 25% raise to $625,000 […]
Opinion: If We Want To Save The Community Center, We’ll Have To Put On The Best Damn Talent Show This Town Has Ever Seen
My fellow youths, we all know by now that our beloved community center is in danger of getting shut down. The question now is what […]
Opinion: The Anderson School Of Management Should Be Burned Down
WESTWOOD — Last week, I got lost in the Anderson School of Management. It wasn’t my fault! Each building is numbered. And lettered. And it […]
Opinion: The Roebling Block Party Is Needlessly Destructive. Also, I Wasn’t Invited.
WESTWOOD — Students set private property ablaze Thursday night at the quarterly Roebling block party, disturbing the peace for Westwood residents trying to get ahead […]
Opinion: How Can I Help The Homeless If They Don’t Have Venmo?
Yesterday, I was walking back to campus after enjoying a delicious $15 salad at Tendergreens when a homeless man looked right into my eyes and […]
Opinion: I Heard Your Stomach Growl In Class, But I’m A Really Nice Person
Hi there! It’s me, the one who sits next to you in class! I just wanted to let you know that I did actually hear […]