Punching Down: Short King Victims Speak Out

WESTWOOD — The tempers of Short Kings everywhere are at an all time medium today, as recent instances of vertically-motivated violence have given a much needed lift to the voices of manlets everywhere. “It’s been terrible to see the recent string of head-pattings, but this is just the step stool our cause needs,” said Ernest Keebler Jr., panhellenic council chair (with booster seat) and proud five-foot-seven American. “I just hope the short princes out there aren’t afraid that someone’s going to put something where they can’t reach it as a joke.” At press time, Keebler was seen working at his job for the city, removing the lower half of graffiti.

About Lucas Humel 8 Articles
Lucas Humel is a middle aged divorcé with no known affiliation to the university. We are unaware of how he was able to get in contact with Enabler staff, and he refuses to tell us. He brings a steaming hot apple pie with an old fashioned wedge of cheddar on the side to every meeting and eats all of it before leaving in silence.