President Obama Gives Congress Two-Star Yelp Review

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing Congress’s inability to pass bipartisan legislation, President Barack Obama wrote an unfavorable review of the governing body on Yelp Saturday, giving it a two-star rating. “Service is always slow, the House and Senate leadership can be quite difficult to deal with, and by the time they bring me my bill, it’s never what I ordered and I just end up having to veto it,” wrote the President, who had to wait nearly seven years for approval of his healthcare bill, which he claims is a rather simple order. “One day I tried to go to Congress and they were closed—they left a note on the door saying, ‘shut down for the week.’ That’s terrible service—all I needed were take-out disaster relief funds for a hurricane. They did give me my trade bill fairly quickly, though, so that’s worth a couple stars.” At press time, members of Congress were too busy attempting to shut down Planned Parenthood, collectively bringing their Yelp rating down to one star.

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Area Man. Freelance fraternity president. Aspiring father of two. Probable future Nobel laureate. Occasionally collude with Russia.