SAN DIEGO — Marginalized communities across the nation praised white man Evan Schmidt this Wednesday for his radical choice to exclusively date Asian women. “I’ve got yellow fever, and the only prescription is more Asian girls!” screamed Schmidt as he flailed around with his chopsticks while dining at Panda Express. “I’m just so cultured, honestly. Holy fuck—this orange chicken is kinda spicy. Do you guys have forks? Forks?” At press time Schmidt was reportedly having his mind blown after learning that there are more than three countries in Asia.
