LONDON — Transphobic, self-proclaimed feminist Flatulence F. Fanny gave a speech at a rally Thursday, in which she tied her female identity to pooping on her menstrual cycle. “Feminism is only for biological girls, and I feel most like a woman whenever I take a runny, painful shit while blood drips out,” said Fanny, who was taking laxatives in order to get the full experience. “Being a woman is defined by negative experiences, like experiencing sexism or rushing to remove the tampon before the poop comes out. And no transgender will ever understand that, no matter what she — fuck, he, I meant he, definitely not she — wants you to think.” At press time, Fanny’s Gender Studies professor had given her an F for writing that Hermione Granger was the first feminist.
