NEW YORK CITY—Donald Trump announced at a rally this morning that, if nominated, which “[he] might as well have been from the very second [he] started this campaign,” he will run on a ticket with vice presidential candidate Donald Trump.
“I thought long and hard about who to pick as my running mate,” said Trump, “Let me tell you, you would not believe how long and hard I thought about it. And, I decided that I would pick the man I respect and admire more than any other in this country: Donald Trump.”
If the Trump-Trump ticket is elected, it will be the first time in American history that both the President and Vice President have had no previous careers in politics. It will also be the first time the President and Vice President are related. It will also be the first time the President and Vice President are the same person.
“What can I say? I like the guy,” Trump continued, “I like his charm; I like his attitude; I especially like his hair. And he supports all the values I do. Cruz, Kasich, none of them have the courage to ban Muslims from this country, but Trump does. Honestly, nobody even talked about immigration before I entered this race, but Trump was with me right from the beginning.”
After the rally at a press conference reporters questioned Trump’s choice of running mate, calling it “unprecedented,” “probably illegal,” and “completely fucking bonkers.”
Trump responded, “The special interest media wants to tell you that I can’t have myself as a running mate. They say it’s ‘unconstitutional.’ Well Cruz is from Canada, and Kasich is from 420 Hippie Liberal Gayland and they’re both running. It doesn’t say in the Constitution that the President and the Vice President can’t be the same person. And let me tell you, I’ve got this all figured out. Let’s say Congress impeaches me, then, as Vice President, I would become President. Then I would appoint Donald Trump as Vice President.”
A reporter from the New York Times commented that, since 1967, the president does not appoint Vice Presidents, but Trump was too busy asking his chief legal officer if he could appoint himself as every member of the Supreme Court.