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Month: October 2017

Westwood Landlord Running Out of Storage Space for Harvested Organs

October 30, 2017 Anya Bayerle 0

WESTWOOD — As November 1 draws closer, area landlord Jane Khari is growing increasingly concerned about the lack of storage space for her collection of […]

Waldo Removed From FBI’s Missing Persons List, Presumed Dead

October 30, 2017 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON, D.C.— Acting Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) director Andrew McCabe announced today that the man known simply as Waldo, whose disappearance was brought to […]

UCLA_WIFI Acceptance Rate Drops To Record Low

October 30, 2017 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Undergraduate Admissions and Department of IT Services announced in a joint release today that the percentage of students admitted […]

New Strain of Hepatitis Found On Couch Outside Beta

October 29, 2017 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — After studying its surface, scientists have recently discovered a new strain of Hepatitis on the surface of the discarded cream-colored couch outside Beta […]

“Join Our Club,” Says Notoriously Exclusive Club

October 29, 2017 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — On Monday, October 30, members of a notoriously exclusive club were seen on Bruin Walk encouraging random passerby to join their notoriously exclusive […]

Woman Who Forgot to Shave for Two Weeks Unintentionally Becomes Feminist Icon

October 29, 2017 Erica Griggs 0

WESTWOOD — Area woman Christine Bigley, who forgot to shave for the past two weeks, unintentionally became a feminist icon and body hair pioneer amongst […]

BruinWear Summer Collection to Include Assless Chaps

October 29, 2017 Erica Griggs 0

WESTWOOD — In response to large demand, UCLA’s BruinWear will be including a pair of UCLA themed assless chaps in their summer collection. “They sell […]

Discovery of “Upload” Button on Soundcloud Transforms Talentless Boy into Professional DJ

October 29, 2017 Erica Griggs 0

LOS ANGELES — In an incredible transformation, the discovery of the upload button on Soundcloud has transformed a talentless Caucasian teenage boy into a professional […]

North Campus To Replace All Clocks With More Aesthetically Pleasing Sundials

October 29, 2017 Ivan Chavez 0

Freshman Wearing Joy Division Shirt Around Campus Already Getting Laid Like Crazy

October 29, 2017 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — Incoming first-year Ben Matthews, who has worn his t-shirt of Joy Division’s “Unknown Pleasures” album cover to class an estimated six times already, […]

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