Westwood Landlord Running Out of Storage Space for Harvested Organs
WESTWOOD — As November 1 draws closer, area landlord Jane Khari is growing increasingly concerned about the lack of storage space for her collection of […]
Month: October 2017
Waldo Removed From FBI’s Missing Persons List, Presumed Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Acting Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) director Andrew McCabe announced today that the man known simply as Waldo, whose disappearance was brought to […]
UCLA_WIFI Acceptance Rate Drops To Record Low
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Undergraduate Admissions and Department of IT Services announced in a joint release today that the percentage of students admitted […]
New Strain of Hepatitis Found On Couch Outside Beta
WESTWOOD — After studying its surface, scientists have recently discovered a new strain of Hepatitis on the surface of the discarded cream-colored couch outside Beta […]
“Join Our Club,” Says Notoriously Exclusive Club
WESTWOOD — On Monday, October 30, members of a notoriously exclusive club were seen on Bruin Walk encouraging random passerby to join their notoriously exclusive […]
Woman Who Forgot to Shave for Two Weeks Unintentionally Becomes Feminist Icon
WESTWOOD — Area woman Christine Bigley, who forgot to shave for the past two weeks, unintentionally became a feminist icon and body hair pioneer amongst […]
BruinWear Summer Collection to Include Assless Chaps
WESTWOOD — In response to large demand, UCLA’s BruinWear will be including a pair of UCLA themed assless chaps in their summer collection. “They sell […]
Discovery of “Upload” Button on Soundcloud Transforms Talentless Boy into Professional DJ
LOS ANGELES — In an incredible transformation, the discovery of the upload button on Soundcloud has transformed a talentless Caucasian teenage boy into a professional […]
Freshman Wearing Joy Division Shirt Around Campus Already Getting Laid Like Crazy
WESTWOOD — Incoming first-year Ben Matthews, who has worn his t-shirt of Joy Division’s “Unknown Pleasures” album cover to class an estimated six times already, […]