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Articles by Kylie Kinne

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About Kylie Kinne
Kylie Kinne is a fourth-year physics major from San Antonio, Texas. When she’s not writing satirical news, she enjoys piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape.

Top 3 Ways Besides COVID to Kill Your Grandma This Thanksgiving

November 24, 2020 Kylie Kinne 0

Listen, we at the Westwood Enabler get it — you want to travel home to your family for Thanksgiving dinner this year. You probably miss […]

Worst Person You Know Not Muted on Zoom

November 20, 2020 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — At approximately 9:45 this morning, the worst person you know failed to mute himself in the Zoom meeting for your lecture. “MOM DO […]

Op-Ed: Bernie Sanders Can Still Win 2016 Presidential Election

October 6, 2020 Kylie Kinne 0

The lies of the bourgeois press may have led you to believe that the 2016 presidential election has already concluded. Well, I’m here to tell […]

High School “A” Student Excited to be College “A” Student

November 14, 2019 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — In a declaration made to her life sciences study group last week, first-year nursing student Amanda Stein made it clear that because she […]

1/5 Dentists Agree Flossing For Little Bitch Boys

October 31, 2019 Kylie Kinne 0

NEW YORK — The American Dental Association released a groundbreaking study this weekend which showed that while four out of five dentists agree that daily […]

Beto O’Rourke Legally Changes Middle Name To “Kickflip”

September 4, 2019 Kylie Kinne 0

EL PASO, TEXAS — In an impromptu press conference held in a Whataburger restaurant yesterday morning, presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke announced that he had legally […]

Woman Comfortable With Stranger’s Genitals In Mouth Doesn’t Eat Gluten

August 26, 2019 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — In a Westwood Enabler exclusive interview, third-year Rebecca Wright announced that she will be starting a gluten-free diet, although she plans to continue […]

Bill Cosby Nominated To Supreme Court

September 26, 2018 Kylie Kinne 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing this morning from Washington, President Donald Trump announced his nomination of popular comedian and actor Bill Cosby to […]

Covel Voted Most Okayest Dining Hall

May 20, 2018 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Dining reported this week that in a comprehensive poll of UCLA residents, students voted Covel the “most okayest” dining hall. “I don’t […]

This Class Actually Super Easy, Asshole Reports

May 20, 2018 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — Local asshole Kyle Logan reported this week that his Math 33A class is, in fact, “super easy.” “Honestly I don’t even try at all and […]

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