NEW YORK — The American Dental Association released a groundbreaking study this weekend which showed that while four out of five dentists agree that daily flossing is an integral part of proper oral hygiene, the other one out of five thinks that flossing is for little bitch boys. “What, you’re a little baby who doesn’t know how to brush properly? You need me to wipe your ass for you too?” said George McDuff, one of the twenty percent of dissenting dentists, in an excerpt from the study. “I mean, getting popcorn kernels out of your teeth is one thing, but Jesus Christ — making it a part of your daily routine? If you floss regularly you’re a little wimp virgin who collects Star Wars figurines.” At the time of his interview, McDuff was observed visibly mocking a young patient for wearing a Paw Patrol sticker she had gotten from the receptionist.
About Kylie Kinne 12 Articles
Kylie Kinne is a third-year physics major from San Antonio, Texas. When she’s not writing satirical news, she enjoys piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape.