Drunk Area Woman Reverses Stance on Cigarettes

PORTLAND — After a former public record of speaking out against her peers’ use of cigarettes, area woman Cheyenne Rhodes appeared to have flip-flopped on the issue in the aftermath of four gin and tonics. “Can I get a drag of that?” she slurred to a friend, a frequent smoker, in her official policy statement. In response, the aforementioned friend testified, “It’s funny because earlier today, when I lit up a cigarette, [Rhodes] did the thing where she faked a dramatic hacking cough and told me I’m slowly killing myself. But I’m used to it — she does this every time she gets drunk, and then claims to not remember.” Reports indicate that Rhodes reverted back to her original policy the following morning, claiming she’ll “never smoke one of those death sticks ever again,” although her peers anticipate another change of opinion this coming Friday night.

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