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Month: November 2016

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God Confused About Fidel Castro Death Reaction

November 30, 2016 Nathan Glovinsky 0

THE HEAVENS— After scrolling through Facebook over the weekend, God expressed genuine confusion regarding humanity’s reaction to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro’s death. “I thought we […]

Dr. Ben Carson Appointed To Remove Stick From Mike Pence’s Ass

November 29, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON–With Donald J. Trump’s transition team still filling positions in his cabinet, the president-elect has announced the appointment of retired neurosurgeon and former primary rival […]

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Woman Brings Up Her Sex Life To Avoid Discussing Politics At Thanksgiving Dinner

November 23, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

MILWAUKEE, WI—Cutting off her father as he started to praise the new President-elect, Amy Richardson began a detailed discussion of her sex life. “Hey Dad, […]

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Inspiring: Version Of You In Parallel Universe Has Your Shit Together

November 20, 2016 Peter Carman 0

Finally, some good news: scientists and cosmologists have recently gotten together to confirm that in one of the infinite parallel worlds predicted by the multiverse […]

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Local Hipster Personally A Fan Of Macaulay Culkin’s Later Works

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–After watching an airing of Home Alone on primetime cable, local hipster Samuel Stroller was reminded of his preference for Macaulay Culkin’s achievements as an […]

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Selfish Asshole Asks For Money Instead Of World Peace For Birthday

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–Celebrating his 8th birthday this past week, narcissistic jackass Chad Brownfield neglected to consider thousands of dying individuals across the world when he wished for […]

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Chick-fil-a Challenges Starbucks’ War On Christmas With “Happy Birthday Jesus” Cup

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

ATLANTA–Following outrage over Starbucks’ lack of Christmas imagery on its holiday cup design, Chick-fil-a announced plans to release a seasonal “Happy Birthday Jesus” cup, declaring […]

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UCLA Alum Doing Nothing Particularly Special with Life

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES–Since graduating in 2009 with a degree in Applied Mathematics, UCLA alum Jack Hudson has been doing nothing particularly special with his life over […]

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Gold In Them-Thar Hills Actually Iron Sulfide

November 20, 2016 Peter Carman 0

BODIE, CA–The good dwellin’-folk of Bodie, CA, durn had a mighty hell of a shock this week when the fancy learnin’ men in town done […]

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POINT: Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed / COUNTERPOINT: Have You Seen That Video Of The Cop Giving People Ice Cream Cones?

November 20, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

Point Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed By: Matt Styles Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed. Half […]

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