WESTWOOD–Celebrating his 8th birthday this past week, narcissistic jackass Chad Brownfield neglected to consider thousands of dying individuals across the world when he wished for money instead of world peace as he blew out his candles. “I’d really like another controller for my Xbox or maybe a pair of Jordans,” Brownfield said. When asked if he realized the error in his greed, the insensitive prick was unable to justify his inconsideration for the poor and underprivileged. “I… I didn’t think…I just…” Brownfield replied. At time of press, Brownfield was seen ungratefully poking at a nearly full plate of cake.