Report: Your Neighbor Only Practices Trombone Because He Hates You
WESTWOOD — After careful consideration of the evidence, we’re certain that your neighbor- the one saved in your phone as “Angus from Apartment 216”- only […]
westwood
4 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve To Register In That Class You Need To Graduate
You really thought you were out of here. How naïve you were, going on your Class Planner, just begging for a spot to open up […]
Report: Jackhammers In Westwood Only Work Between 4 A.M. And 8 A.M.
WESTWOOD — A new study from the Los Angeles Public Works Department found that jackhammers in the Westwood neighborhood can only operate in the wee […]
Heroes: Feminist Frat Bros Annoyed But Respectful Of Your Decision Not To Hook Up With Them Right Now
FRAT ROW — Multiple eyewitness accounts came in last Thursday outside of Chi Alpha Theta regarding the romantic events of the thriving party inside. “Yeah, […]
Gene Block Re-Releases 8 Clap (10 Minute Version)
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA football’s victory over USC, Gene Block has re-released a 10 minute version of UCLA’s 8 clap. “Stream now on Spotify, Apple […]
Opinion: Your Sleeping Roommate Doesn’t Matter
You’ve woken up bright and early. 7:50 am on a Tuesday. You cast a glance at your smug roommate in their fortress of fluff. A […]
Room Temperature Tap Water Sends Student Into Anaphylactic Shock
WESTWOOD — Third-year English student Cody Carter was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center on Friday after sipping room temperature tap water that he […]
Social Bubble Expands To All Of Westwood
WESTWOOD — After gradually growing over the past several months through totally socially distanced picnics, parties and date nights, one social bubble has finally expanded […]
Report: Uber Drivers Sentient Beings, Can Hear Your Conversations
WESTWOOD — A new study by the Semel Institute of Neuroscience produced findings which suggest that Uber drivers are sentient beings, and can hear your […]
Report: Velma Lost Her Glasses In Rocco’s
WESTWOOD — UCPD has reported that Velma Dinkley, a member of the crime solving group Mystery Inc., filed a police report claiming that she lost […]