UCLA To Open Rendez Midwest Offering Daily Casserole Specials
MIDWESTWOOD — UCLA Dining has unveiled plans to expand its Rendezvous West & East dining halls with an extension focused on a different regional cuisine: […]
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Golden Retriever Energy! Man Diagnosed With Bone Cancer
RONALD REAGAN HOSPITAL — Local resident John Smith, a boyish man whose off-putting Hinge bio describes him as having “golden retriever energy,” has recently received […]
Biz Econ Major’s “Connections” Actually Just Parents
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Business Economics major Cornelius “Chad” Getty recently revealed that the “connections” that got him his job were actually just his parents. “I […]
“Let’s Work On That, Friend!” Roommate Can’t Shake Her Camp Counselor Energy
WESTWOOD — Second-year Education and Social Transformation major Jessica Thomas, better known as Lead Counselor Super Sparkles, came back to campus with a distinct new […]
8-Person Gayley Heights Apartments Revealed To Be Elaborate Social Experiment
WESTWOOD — Yesterday evening, Dr. Philip Styles of the UCLA Psychology Department revealed to a small cohort of graduate students that creating 8-person apartments in […]
“Heyy Girly!! Do You Mind If I Use Your First Aid Kit?” Asks Roommate Bleeding To Death
WESTWOOD — Third-year physics major Annabel Brown texted her roommate asking for permission to use her first aid kit Thursday, as she lay bleeding to […]
Tucker Carlson Applies For Job At Daily Bruin
WESTWOOD — Emails leaked this morning revealed that Tucker Carlson has been making pleas for a permanent position at the Daily Bruin. “The woke mob […]
A Warm Hug, And 4 Other Things UCLA Dining Will Give You For 20 Swipes
Spring Break is almost upon us! It is finally that time of the quarter when underclassmen swap their remaining swipes for whatever is rolling around […]
I Lived It: Someone Asked To Share My Table At Kerckhoff
The first thing that struck me, looking up at her, was that she had a kind face. What struck me next was her nerve. “Hi, […]
Opinion: The Enabler Fired Me But I Can Still Log Into The Website
They thought they’d gotten rid of me. They told me I wasn’t funny enough for this publication and to go write for the Daily Bruin. […]