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Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month

June 25, 2025 Emma Searing 0

WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]

“How Will This Affect Saffron And Rose?” Asks Guy Trying To Form Opinion On Iran War

June 22, 2025 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — After hearing about America’s bombing of Iran, one man still could not pick a side to support until knowing the fate of local […]

Scientists Discover Why Old People Smell Like That

June 18, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking discovery was made at the UCLA Geriatric Research and Medical Association (GRAMA) this Tuesday, after an extensive study that involved locking […]

Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

May 23, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

May 20, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Report: Someone Broke Into My Dorm And Left All This Bong Smoke Here

May 19, 2025 Tucker Park 0

WESTWOOD — Unease settled over the Hill last night as UCLA Housing warned of a mysterious break-in which left one student’s dorm filled with a […]

UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

May 1, 2025 Shayne Sweet and Zach Fischer 0

WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

April 26, 2025 Bibinaz Nami 0

WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

“Sperm Racing” Event To Take Place In Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

April 25, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

One Year Later: Police Reprise Role As Useless Bystanders

April 24, 2025 Celeste Acosta 0

WESTWOOD — Nearing the one-year anniversary of the encampment, police can once again be seen standing around Royce doing jack shit. “What?” said Sergeant Rogers, […]

Posts pagination

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  • Sad: UCLA 2025 Alum Still Roaming Campus

  • Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn

    Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]

  • Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation

    Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]

  • Blue and yellow UCLA-themed vibrators at the Hilltop shop

    Anxious For Finals? Hilltop Shop Releases UCLA Vibrators

    WESTWOOD — In light of test-taking jitters, the Hilltop Shop has released UCLA-themed vibrators ahead of finals. “I really wanted to buy the Blue Bullet […]

  • Naked guy at the UCLA undie run

    Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run

    Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
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