Global Prayers Rejected: New Pope Is American
HEAVEN — Millions of prayers coming in from around the world were denied yesterday evening as the Catholic Church appointed its first ever American pope. […]
Pope
Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]
Breaking: He Is Fallen
VATICAN CITY — This Easter Sunday, after a long life of hard work fighting human rights violations, climate change, and church scandals, Pope Francis was […]
Pope Says Blood Of Christ Should Go Through Brita
VATICAN CITY — Word has come down today from Pope Francis that all Catholics should be filtering the Blood of Christ through a Brita before […]
Religious Scholars Discover Jesus Had a Balayage
VATICAN CITY — On Monday morning, the world’s leading religious scholars announced that Jesus actually had a balayage, contrary to their earlier reports that he […]
Pope Francis Says Homosexuality OK, Lactaid Unnatural
VATICAN CITY — The Catholic Church has publicly amended its long held opposition to homosexuality in favor of condemning the most unnatural of abominations: lactaid. […]
Seven Deadly Sins Revised To Include Not Refilling The Brita
VATICAN CITY — The Holy Roman Catholic Church announced on Tuesday that the Seven Deadly Sins will be revised to include Not Refilling the Brita. […]
Opinion: The Pope Isn’t As Hot As My Dad
VATICAN CITY — How many times do I have to say this? Pope Francis isn’t the hottest old white guy out there! Every freaking time […]