NORTH POLE — In a press conference today, parents of former Polar Express passengers announced they are suing the magical train line for endangering their children. “Crossing international borders at night to go sit on an old man’s lap? It breaks the laws of child safety, not to mention the laws of physics,” said Jolly Puddingcarol, whose daughter broke a leg being thrown from the train when it derailed on a frozen lake last year. “I can’t even tell if my kid is happy that she found out Santa’s real! Ever since she’s gotten back her face has been frozen in this creepy CGI grimace.” At press time, Puddingcarol was putting their younger son on the Express and telling him to ask Santa for 40 billion US dollars.
