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Child Discovers e-Books Also Come In Print Form

March 6, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

SEATTLE, WA – While attending a school field trip to the Seattle Public Library Wednesday, Haggerty Elementary 3rd grader Kevin Abernathy was astounded to discover […]

Students Expecting “Man Clinton” Disappointed

March 6, 2014 Luke Moran 0

UCLA To Begin Accepting Students From Delaware

March 4, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—In a statement released by the Office of Admissions, UCLA has announced today that it will, for the first time in the school’s nearly century-long […]

Rain Inspires Record Number Of Amateur Poets

March 3, 2014 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Citing the “motion of palm trees, like lonely children that shiver in the night” as well as the “glimmering pools of heaven’s tears”, a […]

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Celebrities Wear Jewelry, Dress, Shoes

March 2, 2014 Anna Galachyan 0

UCLA Students In Uproar Over Cookie Shortage

February 26, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Police were called in today to break up a riot that started after an unnamed pre-med student purchased the last box of Thin […]

Obama Issues Executive Order To Become Character In Game Of Thrones

February 25, 2014 Stephen Reichenbach 0

NEW YORK—In an unprecedented use of executive authority, Barack Obama has issued an order to be written into the immensely-popular HBO fantasy series Game of […]

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Bold Approach Leaves Italics In Dust

February 25, 2014 Luke Moran 0

The Enabler Asks You: Do you support the proposal to divide California?

February 22, 2014 Luke Moran 0

As many of our readers may know, a petition to divide California into 6 different states has been gaining momentum over the past several weeks. […]

Cancer Patient Bearing Shaun White’s Hair Filled With Chagrin

February 21, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

MEMPHIS, TN – Julianna Norton, a 12-year old cancer patient at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, told reporters Thursday night that she has regrets about […]

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  • Ask The Enabler: Is It Too Late To Cancel My Den Pass Refund?

    Dear Westwood Enabler, I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on […]

  • Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

  • Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do

    WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]

  • Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat

    WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]

  • Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit

    WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
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