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Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation

May 17, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]

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Royce Light Show “More Dangerous Than Banned Pokemon Episode”

May 14, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Rumors surrounding the Royce Hall light show have been working their way up and down Bruinwalk, and some of them are not in […]

A Bunch Of Grad Students Just Doing Their Thing

May 12, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—A bunch of grad students were spotted in Westwood village early Sunday evening just sort of hanging out, doing their grad student thing. At approximately […]

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UC Spring Break To Be Shortened By One Week In Observance Of Jewish Holiday

May 9, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

OAKLAND, CA – The University of California academic calendar underwent further modification Monday after UC officials announced the shortening of spring break for the 2014-2015 […]

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W.E. Guide To 2014 Student Elections

May 9, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

Student Elections are often confusing, skull-smashingly boring affairs, where we have the chance to make the over-achievers and go getters of today become the politicians […]

Elections Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest

May 5, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—Members of student government announced today the cancellation of all elections planned for this week after campaign interest levels hit a record low. According to polls conducted […]

De Neve At Hedrick To Be Moved To Covel, Renamed De Neve At Hedrick At Covel

May 2, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—After less than a week of operation, officials at UCLA dining have deemed Hedrick dining hall “insufficient” to support the demands of its recently-adopted De […]

UCLA Secrets Used To Uncover Double Homicide

April 30, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – The UCPD has announced that the latest piece of evidence in their double-homicide case was revealed through “UCLA Secrets”, a Facebook page operated […]

Bruin Statue Gives Birth To Twin Cub Sculptures

April 28, 2014 Nathan Guzik 1

WESTWOOD — In an exciting development that has captured the hearts of the entire student body, the faculty at UCLA have confirmed the birth of […]

FDA Increases Serving Size Of Jäger For Non-Pussies

April 23, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WASHINGTON DC—In a press conference earlier today, a spokesperson for the Food and Drug Administration announced the department’s decision to increase the recommended serving size […]

Posts pagination

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  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

  • Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods

    PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]

  • BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often

    WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]

  • Government Shutdown Finally Hits Canvas

    WESTWOOD — Students everywhere awoke this morning to the modern equivalent of snow outside their windows: Canvas has been shut down due to bipartisan gridlock. […]

  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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