Study: Everyone At Gym Definitely Staring At You
LOS ANGELES — A newly released study by the UC Center For Sustainable Exercise (UCCSE) confirmed the long-held belief that everyone at the gym is […]
Elusive UCLA_WIFI_RES Added To Orientation Scavenger Hunt
WESTWOOD — UCLA New Student & Transition Programs (NSTP) announced that they will be adding the notoriously elusive campus wireless network UCLA_WIFI_RES to “Carpe Noctem,” […]
UCLA Sanitation to Powell Bathroom Patrons: “Just Go Hog Wild”
WESTWOOD — UCLA Sanitation told the patrons of the Powell Library restroom to “just go hog wild” in a letter posted Monday morning. “Our facilities […]
Nice Professor Allows Quiet Sobbing In Class
WESTWOOD – Receiving enormous praise for her kindness and understanding, Rachel Irwin, Professor of Economics, generously allows students to sob quietly during class. “I’ve never […]
Unclear How Many Layers Of Irony Guy Wearing Che Guevara Shirt Is Going For
WESTWOOD – Reporting feelings of great confusion, sources have stated that it is unclear how many layers of irony UCLA student James Kaplan, who recently […]
Report: Alliteration Almost Always Astonishingly Annoying and Aggravating
WESTWOOD–Astounding an abundance of amazed Anglos, a recent rigorous report related that alliteration is almost always astonishingly annoying and aggravating. “It’s immensely irritating,” said Mathematics […]
Hallmate Wants To Show You His Sick Ass Dorm Setup
WESTWOOD—After lingering in the hallway for a substantial portion of the morning, your hallmate, Sociology major Steven Carlinsky, expressed his desire for you to check […]
CSO Feeling Rush After Telling Students They Can’t Smoke Weed There
WESTWOOD—UCLA Community Service Officer David Connolly reported that he was feeling quite a rush after he and his team stormed the forests behind Hitch suites […]
Unacquainted Apartment Neighbors Unsure If They Should Continue To Make Eye Contact Through Window
LOS ANGELES—Even after two months of being next door neighbors, local apartment tenants Paul Bryson and Ariel Higgins have only communicated via eye contact through […]
How To Make Your Dorm Room Feel Like Home
Missing home lately? Just can’t wait for Thanksgiving? Then here’s how to make your dorm room feel a little more like home! Shroud your body […]