Area Man Checks Into Standing Rock Hooters Location
STANDING ROCK, ND—Following a proliferation of online activism regarding the Dakota Access Pipeline, sources report that area man Mike Gianni showed his solidarity with indigenous […]
Man Uses Same Racist Costume For Halloween And Cinco De Mayo
Madison, WI—Area man Joseph Peterson is dressing as a “Mexican cowboy” for Halloween, and plans to use the same costume for Cinco De Mayo next […]
A Guide To Picking The Perfect Halloween Costume
Have you googled “easy halloween costume ideas” for the tenth time today? Are you considering staying home just to avoid coming up with a “cool” […]
Student Gets Massive Thrill From Not Locking Stall Door While Defecating
WESTWOOD—Having already drawn down his pants and committed to a bowel movement in a public bathroom, Statistics major Steven Chu received a massive thrill when […]
Best Places To Poop On Campus
Ever wondered what the best places to poop on campus were? Here’s an exclusive compilation of our staff’s favorite places! In Gene Block’s private bathroom […]
Facebook Releases New Timeline Based On Family Members’ Most Offensive Posts
MENLO PARK, CA – With the general election weeks away, political commentary that nobody asked for from Facebook users’ normally inactive older relatives has increased, […]
Other Amendments Wondering How They Can Be More Controversial
WASHINGTON D.C. – A conservative movement to #abolishthe19th has taken Twitter by storm this past week, leaving the other twenty-something amendments of the Constitution feeling […]
Submission: The Westwood Enabler Should Avoid Writing Biased Articles on Bruin Republicans
As UCLA students, we look to the Westwood Enabler when we’re bored in class or sitting on the toilet. Unfortunately, it is now more evident […]
Student Activist Being Treated At Ronald Reagan Following Exposure To Differing Opinion
WESTWOOD — EMTs rushed second-year sociology major and student activist Emma Schwartz to UCLA’s Ronald Reagan Medical Center following her collapse midway through a heated […]
Study: Everyone At Gym Definitely Staring At You
LOS ANGELES — A newly released study by the UC Center For Sustainable Exercise (UCCSE) confirmed the long-held belief that everyone at the gym is […]