Trump Announces Plan To Create Safe Spaces For Bigots
NEW YORK, N.Y.—Citing the the cast of Hamilton and their address to Mike Pence last night, Donald Trump today announced his plan to create safe […]
UCLA To Students: If You Donate One Kidney, Donors Will Back 250,000 More
WESTWOOD—Chancellor Gene D. Block announced in a university press release today that if enough students donate one kidney to UCLA for the True Bruin Challenge, […]
Most Controversial Exam Questions
Ever received a controversial exam question that tiptoed the boundary of acceptable and “hell-no”? Our staff definitely has! Here’s a compilation of real exam questions […]
Racially Divided Town United By Shared Homophobia
BACKWATER, AL—Residents of Backwater, a small town in rural Alabama with deep racial divisions, have recently come together to celebrate their shared homophobia. “See, […]
Man Struggling With Unwieldy Water Hose Unintentionally Arouses Everyone Around Him
WESTWOOD—During a particularly heated bout with an unwieldy water hose in his front yard, area man Leo Simons unintentionally aroused everyone around him in an […]
Nation’s Forks Feeling Overworked
WASHINGTON D.C.—Citing the vast overuse of their bodies for eating various foods, the nation’s forks are declaring a national crisis. “Frankly speaking, we’re just too […]
Sadness And Loneliness Are Just Social Constructs, Says Man Lying On The Floor
SANTA MONICA, CA—Lying curled in a fetal position upon the floor of his kitchen, area man Andrew Pacheco repeatedly declared sadness […]
POINT: We Need To Save Vine / COUNTERPOINT: If Anyone Cared About Vines, Our Rainforests Wouldn’t Be Disappearing
Point We Need To Save Vine By: Rebecca McKinley We need to save Vine. That’s really all there is to it. These hilarious six-second videos […]
Area Mom Uses Term “Hook Up” Incorrectly Again
LOS ANGELES—Area mom Lois Stevens reportedly used the term “hook up” incorrectly again yesterday when encouraging her daughter to attend her professor’s office hours. “Surely […]
Area Woman Takes Break From Work Anxiety To Enjoy Social Anxiety
LOS ANGELES—Local woman Gina Adler attended a party this past weekend to take a break from her usual work-related anxiety and spend more time on […]