Kerckhoff Hall Passed Over For Starring Movie Role In Favor Of Younger Luskin Center
WESTWOOD — The lights dimmed in UCLA’s Kerckhoff Hall this afternoon after the iconic building learned that it had been passed over for the coveted […]
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Westwood Landlord Running Out of Storage Space for Harvested Organs
WESTWOOD — As November 1 draws closer, area landlord Jane Khari is growing increasingly concerned about the lack of storage space for her collection of […]
Woman Who Forgot to Shave for Two Weeks Unintentionally Becomes Feminist Icon
WESTWOOD — Area woman Christine Bigley, who forgot to shave for the past two weeks, unintentionally became a feminist icon and body hair pioneer amongst […]
BruinWear Summer Collection to Include Assless Chaps
WESTWOOD — In response to large demand, UCLA’s BruinWear will be including a pair of UCLA themed assless chaps in their summer collection. “They sell […]
Local Nihilist Watches “Rick and Morty”
LOS ANGELES — Citing its sophisticated and nuanced references to Narodnaya literature, local nihilist Evan Sharp is a regular viewer of the Adult Swim cartoon […]
Harvey Weinstein Running For President
LOS ANGELES — Amid a flurry of sexual assault allegations, former producer Harvey Weinstein has announced he is running for president. “No one in the […]
Study: Sunburn Suggests White Privilege Doesn’t Exist
TUSCALOOSA—Researchers at the University of Alabama have concluded, after extensive research on sunburn, that white privilege currently doesn’t exist and most likely has never existed […]
Report: One-Year-Old Water Bottle Still Not Washed
WESTWOOD—Earlier this week, sources confirmed that third year Environmental Science major Elizabeth Maxwell hasn’t washed her reusable water bottle since she bought it last year. […]
Professor Receives Roar of Laughter During Lecture, Pursues Stand Up Comedy
WESTWOOD—UCLA Chemistry professor Thomas Osborne, is retiring to further develop his one-man act after cracking a single periodic table joke during class and receiving a […]
Trump Fires Biggest Supporter
WASHINGTON–The White House announced in a press release this Tuesday that President Donald J. Trump has terminated one of the most prominent and influential supporters […]