MIT Researchers Develop Method For Teeth To Get Sunburnt
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a scientific breakthrough, researchers at MIT have developed a mixture which, upon consumption, allows teeth to develop severe sunburns. “Why? Because […]
Technology
Covel Announces Plans To Add Food To Menu
WESTWOOD — The Hill was abuzz Monday morning following a long-rumored announcement that Covel would finally be adding food to its menu. “We’ve heard your […]
UCLA Employs Team of Sherpas to Assist Students Up The Hill
WESTWOOD — In response to student complaints about accessibility issues, UCLA has hired a team of Sherpas to assist struggling students up The Hill. “In […]
Bird Tipping Not the Same, Say Students Of Rural Background
WESTWOOD — Early Friday morning, students hailing from rural hometowns saw an opportunity to engage in a favorite childhood pastime after drunkenly stumbling past herds […]
Huge Football Player Somehow Makes Kids’ Razor Scooter Work
CERRITOS, CA — Physicists have taken to the Razor Scooter headquarters in Cerritos, California earlier this week in an attempt to study the engineering genius […]
Young Research Library Introduces Sensory Deprivation Tanks
WESTWOOD — In preparation for finals week, the Charles E. Young Research Library’s collaboration pods have been replaced with sensory deprivation tanks full of salt […]
Feminist Hero Comments “OMG!!!” On Female Acquaintance’s Instagram Photo
LOS ANGELES — In the name of advancing women’s equality, feminist hero Serena Colli commented “OMG!!!” on a female acquaintance’s photo. “I don’t even know […]
Dick Cheney Finds Unlikely Success as TikTok Star
CASPER, WY — Former Vice President Dick Cheney created an account on TikTok last week and credited Donald Trump as the inspiration behind his decision […]
1/5 Dentists Agree Flossing For Little Bitch Boys
NEW YORK — The American Dental Association released a groundbreaking study this weekend which showed that while four out of five dentists agree that daily […]
No Progress Made To UCLA Internet After Invention Of Internet
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