UCLA Campus Available To Sublet Spring Quarter, Utilities Included
WESTWOOD — At 3 a.m. PST Monday morning, the UCLA Board of Directors released a statement on the “UCLA Free And For Sale” Facebook page […]
Opinion
Op-Ed: I’m Tired Of Writing Fluff Pieces For The Westwood Enabler
As a member of the premiere satirical newspaper at UCLA, I personally feel like I’m being held back. I know I got what it takes […]
Op-Ed: Our Carbon Footprints Aren’t As Big As Our Carbon Assprints
To preface this argument, I would just like to acknowledge that I care about society a lot. I do think that the climate is changing […]
Op-Ed: Maybe The Real President Is The Friends We Made Along The Way
It’s been one heck of an election year, folks. And I don’t know about y’all, but I had a swell time. From eating corn dogs […]
Op-Ed: As A Student Athlete, I Only Break Quarantine To Slap My Friend’s Ass
I am a proud member of the UCLA basketball team, and I respect that COVID-19 is a serious threat to the community. I would never […]
Op-Ed: Bernie Sanders Can Still Win 2016 Presidential Election
The lies of the bourgeois press may have led you to believe that the 2016 presidential election has already concluded. Well, I’m here to tell […]
Roommate Going To Finish Bananas This Time
WESTWOOD — After returning from Ralphs today at 12:30 p.m. PST, your roommate assured you that he is definitely going to finish the bananas he […]
Man Drinks The Fuck Out Of Glass Of Water
ENCINO, CA — The nation reeled Sunday afternoon after learning that area man Chis Peterson really just drank the fuck out of his glass of […]
Senior Who Taught You How To Do Line Admitted To Law School
WESTWOOD — Westley Frump, the senior who gave you your first line of cocaine in the bathroom of a house party, has reportedly been admitted […]
Op-Ed: I Definitely Love My Husband
The first thing that I want to make unequivocally clear is that I have never in my life not loved my husband. I love the […]