Study: Fetuses’ Chakras Visible On Ultrasound At 10 Weeks
BALTIMORE — A recent Johns Hopkins University study concluded that prenatal ultrasounds can detect fetuses’ chakras as early as ten weeks into pregnancy. “Our findings […]
National
Alex Jones Announces “InfoWars: On Ice!”
NEW YORK — Well-known performance artist Alex Jones announced today that he will be taking his conspiracy peddling radio show to Madison Square Garden with […]
Area Douchebag Reminds Trump “Pulling Out” Least Reliable Method
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Accords, area douchebag Chad Finberry […]
“Live, Laugh, Love” Poster On Girl’s Wall Tells You All You Need To Know
WESTWOOD–Sources have reported that the “Live, Laugh, Love” poster hanging on the wall of local 20-year-old Lindsey Matthews tells you pretty much all you need […]
Kid With Big Dreams Moves To The Big City
BIG CITY, BIG STATE—Citing his desire to make something great out of himself, Stan Levinson, a nobody from an aw, shucks folksy ‘burb in the […]
Study: Your Dad Was Right
BERKELEY, CA—Scientists at UC Berkeley have just confirmed that, despite what you may have thought and still think, your dad was right. You can argue […]
Study: Nothing Better Than Just Kickin’ It With The Boys
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—A study conducted by researchers at the University of Virginia concluded that nothing beats just hanging out and having a good time with the […]
Study: Legalized Dueling Would Cause Significant Reduction Of Stupid Population
CHICAGO, IL—Scientists at the University of Chicago have concluded a two-year long study that proves legalized dueling would be a highly effective method of reducing […]
Gary Johnson Announces He Running For President In 2018
ALBUQUERQUE—Former Governor of New Mexico Gary Johnson revealed today that he intends to run for president in 2018. “After a lot of thinking, it is […]
Heartwarming: This Constituent Donated His Balls To Paul Ryan
With President Trump in the White House and the country increasingly divided, here’s some heartwarming political news we can all feel good about: one of […]