Taking A Stand: These 5 Senators Announced They Will Not Be Inviting President Trump To Their Birthday Parties
Dianne Feinstein is known by her Senate colleagues as “the Queen of birthday parties,” and this June’s big 8-5 is sure to be no […]
National
Submission: Regarding David Hogg’s Admission
Dear David: After careful review of your application for admission, we regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission for […]
Administration In Turmoil: Rex Tillerson Was The Last Staffer Who Knew The White House Wi-Fi Password
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past fourteen months, you know that the Trump White House has been an absolute mess. It […]
Area Woman Pleased With Number of Likes on Post About Social Media Cleanse
LOS ANGELES — Amateur photographer Amber Allman was pleasantly surprised at the number of likes she received on her latest Instagram post declaring her indefinite […]
Cute! This Crafty Mom Taught Us Her DIY Methamphetamine Recipe!
BOISE — Boise, Idaho native and Mom-Extraordinaire Karen-Michelle Cooper sat down with the girls in our test kitchen to show us her fun, easy recipe for […]
God’s Divine Plan Involves Pre-Marital Sex with Dylan from Calculus
HEAVEN — God’s divine plan for high school junior Emma Parsons involved a spiritual awakening in the form of pre-marital sex with Dylan from calculus. […]
Local Man Enjoys Airport Pat-Down
LOS ANGELES — After waiting for over two hours in the security line, local man Michael Beal reportedly “thoroughly enjoyed” a pat-down from officials at the […]
Women’s March Attendee Too Busy To Vote in Ten Months
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources report that area woman Rebecca Hanson, who proudly attended the Jan. 20 D.C. Women’s March to protest President Donald Trump’s administration, […]
Seasoned Hydroflask Awarded Purple Heart Sticker
ANNAPOLIS, MD — After recovering from a recent drop onto concrete, a local Hyrdoflask was bestowed the prestigious “Purple Heart” sticker for its heroism and […]