Early Hominids Clustered Around John Wooden Monolith Miraculously Discover Tool Usage, Basketball
DAWN OF MAN – Following reports that a mysterious large black monolith has encased the John Wooden statue on Bruinwalk, a local group of early […]
Campus
Saddam Hussein’s Uncovered Journal Entries Reveal Plan To Hide In Hedrick Hall Triple Before Opting For “More Comfortable And Spacious” Spider Hole
WESTWOOD – Released earlier today by the UCLA History Department, journal entries written by Saddam Hussein prior to his death reveal that the Iraqi dictator […]
Bomb Shelter Subway Whistleblowers Gone Missing
WESTWOOD — Several whistleblowers who spoke up about price gouging and moldy ingredients at the Bomb Shelter Subway have recently been reported missing. “For so […]
University Shuts Down Jewish Sukkot To Protect Jewish Students
WESTWOOD — This Monday evening, UCLA Administration once again reinforced their commitment to protecting Jewish community on campus by tearing down the sukkah that was […]
Twelve Bike Cops Injured, Two Dead After Attempt To Arrest Ackerman Flood
WESTWOOD — After Ackerman and half of campus has been flooded, the leader of UCLA’s bicycle strike force is being blamed for its failure to […]
Opinion: Week Two Is Over, I Can Finally Drop The Mask And Start Skipping Classes
Well, it’s finally here. Week Two. I attended just enough class to know which professor is serious about attendance policies. I’ve dropped all my 8 […]
New UCLA Policy Moves “Free Speech Zone” To Middle Of The 405
WESTWOOD — After the wave of pro-Palestine protests that swept campus last year, Interim Chancellor Darnell Hunt has announced a new policy that limits protests […]
Opinion: Dear Covel Pianists, La La Land Won’t Heal Your Heartache
I get it. It’s the score of dreamers. If a flash mob were to break out in Ackerman, we could all imitate the choreography of […]