WESTWOOD — Second-year Theater major and non-binary messiah Cricket Vanderbilt made history this week as the first queer elder born after the invention of Facebook. “Ever since they outed me at a dolls vs twinks memorial diva-off underground techno event in Silver Lake, I’ve been honored to call Cricket my adopted muh-they-r,” tweeted Aerospace Engineering major Bratty Johnson from her Geek Bar Pulse 200000X. “They showed me it was ok to be myself: a mean bisexual girl who chugs cigs, pulls trig, and loves to say the F-slur.” At press time, Vanderbilt was seen telling a gaggle of first-year Depop ambassadors that gay marriage was legalized after the fall of Berlin Stonewall in 1869.