CCLE To Be Publicly Executed
WESTWOOD — After years of complaints from staff and students, Gene Block announced that he will personally execute the CCLE course management system. “A few […]
Campus
Report: “Bruin Bear” Kind Of Redundant
WESTWOOD — UCLA scientists discovered Wednesday that the iconic Bruin Bear statue between Ackerman and Wooden was kind of redundantly named. “It turns out the […]
Reagan Medical Center To Offer Free Antidepressants To Happy Students In Hopes Of Trickle Down Effect
WESTWOOD — Ronald Reagan Medical Center will give antidepressants to happy students in hopes of wellness “trickling down” to their depressed counterparts. “Guided by the […]
Uh Oh! You Just Got Invited To An Improv Show
WESTWOOD — Amateur comedians have been bombarding unsuspecting students over the past week with invites to their improv shows, and you are their latest victim. […]
UCLA Threatens To Leak Social Security Numbers If USC Wins (On Purpose This Time)
WESTWOOD — In a joint statement released today, Chip Kelly, Martin Jarmond, and Gene Block threatened to purposefully leak the entire UCLA student body’s social […]
Joe Bruin Put Down
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community was struck by an unexpected tragedy late last night, when it was announced that school mascot Joe Bruin had been […]
Almost Getting Trampled, And Other UCLA Student Activities You Must Do Before Graduating
With a hustlin’ and bustlin’ campus filled with over 30,000 undergraduate students, it can be hard to keep track of all UCLA has to offer, […]
Frats Scramble To Start “One Tree For Every Nude” Trend On Instagram
WESTWOOD — In light of the recent trend on Instagram where users share one pet picture in exchange for one tree planted, UCLA’s fraternities have […]
Depressed Student Changes Adderall Supplier In Desperate Bid For Fentanyl
WESTWOOD — Depressed college student Diane Young has gone through four different Adderall suppliers in the past month alone in a desperate attempt to get […]
COVID Test Vending Machine Just Wants To Be Spit On
WESTWOOD — The COVID test vending machine located behind Haines Hall recently spoke out about its need to be spit on. “Many have tried to […]