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Campus

UCLA Introduces 0P Plan Where You Watch Your Friends Eat

April 22, 2024 Jaden Weinstein 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Housing has decided to launch a brand new meal plan for students living on campus, where purchasers can swipe into dining halls […]

Freshman Faux Pas? The First Guy You Ate With At De Neve Is A Sex Offender

April 18, 2024 Funny Marcus 0

WESTWOOD — As the 2023-24 school year approaches its end, freshman students are coming forward to share their horror stories about dining hall encounters with […]

De Neve Late Night Reopens With Mandatory Breathalyzer Test

April 17, 2024 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — Beloved dining hall De Neve is set to reopen its Late Night menu with more pizza, flatter soda, and a lot less fun […]

Carrot Man Eaten By Easter Bunny, Rises Again Three Days Later

April 3, 2024 Josh Dittrich 0

WESTWOOD — After being eaten by the Easter Bunny on Sunday, Westwood icon Carrot Man rose again three days later with an even larger carrot […]

Local White Boy Makes Big Splash In Intramural Dodgeball Scene

March 11, 2024 Barrett Willet 0

WESTWOOD — As the winter quarter IM season wraps up, overly competitive white boys who have never had success in real sports are experiencing the […]

Person wearing jansport backpack

What Your Backpack Says About You, Including When And Where You Enjoy Your Last Breath

March 6, 2024 Jaden Weinstein 0

A student’s choice of backpack arguably decides the path they take for the rest of their miserable life. What you pick to stow your laptop […]

5 Reasons Your Door Lock Is Always Mad At You

March 5, 2024 Constanza Montemayor 0

Every day you come home and your door lock just refuses to tell you what it’s upset about this time. Juggling the day’s groceries in […]

Student Caught Taking Banana Out Of BPlate Fatally Shot

February 28, 2024 Anonymous 0

WESTWOOD — Following changes in UCLA dining policy, second-year physiological science major Hannah Dunham was fatally shot Tuesday after being caught smuggling a banana out […]

Poor pledge...

Pledge Comes Clean: ‘Hazing Made Me A Better Person’

February 20, 2024 Sidney Muntean 0

WESTWOOD — While some may join a fraternity for camaraderie, school spirit, or alcohol, first-year Business Economics major Chad Sookmidic has disclosed that hazing is […]

Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible

February 19, 2024 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]

Posts pagination

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  • Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

  • Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do

    WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]

  • Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat

    WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]

  • Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit

    WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]

  • Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died

    WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
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