Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace
WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]
Campus
UCLA To Investigate What UCLA Ordered UCPD To Do
WESTWOOD — On Monday morning, Chancellor Gene Block announced UCLA’s investigation into what UCLA ordered UCPD to do to UCLA student protestors on UCLA’s campus. […]
USAC Candidate Campaigns To Implement The Gold Standard For Meal Swipes
WESTWOOD — With upcoming deflation to $4.33 for on-campus meal swipes, USAC Candidate Roger Hardy plans to tackle upcoming swipe deflation with an old-fashioned solution […]
Generous UCLA Admin Gives Week Off For Students To Process Drake-Kendrick Feud
WESTWOOD — In a move that exemplifies the generosity and kindness they are known for, the UCLA administration announced on Monday that they would give […]
Student Who Took Baton To Skull Not Really Feeling Up For Musicology Midterm
WESTWOOD — After last week’s tumultuous events, fourth-year communications major Jim Boon just cannot seem to rally for his midterm on The Beatles. “I can’t […]
UCLA Provides Police Violence As Safer Alternative To Counter-Protestor Violence
WESTWOOD — After UCLA student activists were attacked by counter-protestors Tuesday night, university administration immediately handled it 24 hours later by calling cops to brutalize […]
Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting
WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, […]
UCLA Dining To Reduce Meal Swipe Value From $9 To One Spoonful Of Gruel
Ackerman Student Union – UCLA Housing announced recently that the meal swipe value will be reduced from nine dollars to one spoonful of cold, chunky […]