USAC Candidate Campaigns To Implement The Gold Standard For Meal Swipes

WESTWOOD — With upcoming deflation to $4.33 for on-campus meal swipes, USAC Candidate Roger Hardy plans to tackle upcoming swipe deflation with an old-fashioned solution — implementing the gold standard on UCLA Housing meal swipes. “Meal swipes are too intangible of a monetary value; that’s why we need to back them in something that will never depreciate, like gold,” said Hardy, who has yet to complete his historical analysis requirement. “This system will revitalize the swipe-conomy. Money will be flowing Mansa Musa style, a swipe will finally be able to cover a Panda Express Plate, and UCLA can use their underground tunnels as a gold reserve.” At press time, Richard Nixon was rolling in his grave.