LinkedIn Rolls Out New “Open To Fuck” Banner
WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]
Life
School Spirit? Student Refuses To Wear Trojan Condoms
WESTWOOD – In a bold display of Bruin spirit, first-year Gender Studies major Chad Ryan announced on his Instagram yesterday his refusal to wear Trojan […]
Early Hominids Clustered Around John Wooden Monolith Miraculously Discover Tool Usage, Basketball
DAWN OF MAN – Following reports that a mysterious large black monolith has encased the John Wooden statue on Bruinwalk, a local group of early […]
New Religion Course Taught by Boy Who Experienced Empathy For First Time After Shroom Trip
WESTWOOD — After tripping balls at a Phish concert and realizing other people have feelings, fifth-year general studies major, Gunner Helloden, was offered a tenure-track […]
Opinion: I Need To Fuck Someone With A Scooter
Look, I’m over it. UCLA is basically an Olympic endurance course disguised as an academic institution. From walking up Bruin Walk to climbing the Death […]
Opinion: I Need To Fuck Someone With A Scooter
Look, I’m over it. UCLA is basically an Olympic endurance course disguised as an academic institution. From walking up Bruin Walk to climbing the Death […]
Project 2025 Announces “Pussylight Savings Time” Forcing Women To Set Back Their Menstrual Cycle Each Fall
Washington, D.C. — Project 2025 has added an innovative new pillar of conservatism to reclaim our nation: “Pussylight Savings Time,” which will forcibly set every […]
The Westwood Enabler Endorses Joe Biden For President
Most presidential elections are, at their core, about two different visions of America. This one is different. This election calls into question the very existence […]
Opinion: Athletes Should Only Ride Scooters If Their Team Has Won A Championship In The Past 10 Years
You blink and they appear: a 250 pound, 6 foot 5 monster hurtling toward you with an empty, dog tagged backpack at 45 miles an […]