Andre To Perform At Coachella
INDIO, CA — In an unprecedented announcement, Andre has announced via his Instagram page (@larger_thanlife_3) that he will be performing at the Coachella Valley Music […]
Culture
“&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say
DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING. This is obviously a very crude word, why else would we censor it with random symbols? A$$ is a no-no […]
Therapists Hate Her!
WESTWOOD — Sources suggested Monday that therapists really hate Molly Johnson, 24, of Westwood. “She comes in every week and apologizes if she sounds annoying,” […]
4 Out Of 5 Dentists Say You Should Break Up
CAMBRIDGE — A recent study done by MIT analysts has found that four out of five dentists say you should break up with your good-for-nothing […]
Opinion: I Was Going To Make A Will Smith Joke, But I Am Afraid
Hi all, I hope we are all aware of what transpired on Sunday, March 27th at the Dolby Theatre. It was a night that will […]
HBO Releases New Euphoria Inspired Drugs
NEW YORK, NY— Following the massive success of the second season of “Euphoria,” A24 announced the release of a new line of drugs inspired by […]
Christopher Nolan Nukes UCLA For 5-Second “Oppenheimer” Shot
WESTWOOD — In what has now become a mass-casualty event, Christopher Nolan has nuked the UCLA campus for a 5-second B-reel scene in his new […]
Off-Campus Students Realize They Have To Feed Themselves To Live
WESTWOOD — Off-campus student Jess Rodgers expressed frustration Tuesday after learning that Earth did not have dining halls everywhere and that she needed to find […]
Toy Story 5 Trailer Depicts Andy’s Sex Toys Coming To Life
HOLLYWOOD — In a surprise announcement made Tuesday morning, Pixar revealed its plans for the production of Toy Story 5. “The concept is basically the […]
The Girl Boss’s Guide To Discussing Inception Without Ever Watching It
Ready for a movie that you’ll like as much as you hate condoms? Christopher Nolan’s cinematic masterpiece is beloved by film bros everywhere, and soon […]