WESTWOOD — This Friday, the UCLA Backpacking Club announced it will be taking its advanced group on the 15-mile trek from Gardenia to the Public Affairs Building. “We’re leaving at 4 AM sharp to make it to our 8 AM classes,” said trip leader and REI manager Clarence Miller, while pissing into a Brita filter. “And you’re gonna need the essentials: Tourniquets for lost limbs and calf cramps. Bear spray for Bruinwalk clubs and Carrot Guy. And your Patagonia poop shovel, obviously.” At press time, Miller was spotted secretly purchasing an electric scooter.