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Tom Brady Comes Out As Bisexual, And IX Other Super Bowl LVII Predictions

February 11, 2023 Enabler Staff 0

Breaking: UCLA Has A Women’s Basketball Team, Too!

February 17, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — Undercover journalists for the Daily Bruin’s sports desk have unearthed information suggesting that UCLA has a women’s basketball team that also wins games […]

Skater Decides Walking Would Have Looked Way Cooler Than Wiping Out On Bruin Walk

November 23, 2021 Robi Chatterjee 0

WESTWOOD — After wiping out on Bruin Walk, skater Ken Bone decided he would have looked a lot cooler if he had walked instead. “At […]

Point: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on T.V. / Counterpoint: Let’s Fucking Not

May 24, 2021 Arman 0

P: Let’s Watch This Baseball Game on TV. By: Dylan Wood Baseball is such a fun sport. I know it takes four hours, but it’s […]

Tom Brady Does Football Good

March 4, 2021 Arman 0

TAMPA, FL — After emerging victorious in this year’s Super Bowl, it has become apparent to the sports world that Tom Brady does football really […]

NFL Plans To Quarantine COVID Positive Players In Team Facilities

December 1, 2020 Arman 0

NEW YORK — In a statement on Monday, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced new COVID-19 protocols in the aftermath of increased coronavirus cases […]

BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak

October 19, 2018 Kelly Stoudemire 0

WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a […]

Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits

April 27, 2018 Ross Rosenthal 0

PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]

Report: John Wooden Statue Sucks At Basketball

March 15, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

Promising Economics Student Sadly Drops Out of UCLA

January 4, 2018 Ross Rosenthal 0

WESTWOOD — On Wednesday, the UCLA community was saddened when prominent economics student Joshua Rosen decided to take leave from the university. “We wish Mr. […]

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