BREAKING: Chip Kelly to Retire After One Game Winning Streak

WESTWOOD — After a grueling 46 day-long career, UCLA Head Football Coach Chip Kelly has announced his retirement. “Hey, me and the boys had a good run, but every great coach knows when the right time to walk away is,” said the coach, whose announced retirement comes in the middle of the season just one day before the Arizona game. “I’m ready to relax, pick up a hobby like origami where there’s no ‘winning’ or ‘losing,’ and know I ended my career on a strong note. Trust me folks, I know my absence will be devastating to the team, but I have to listen to my gut on this one.” In reaction to the sudden news, sports analysts have agreed Kelly’s decision will most likely have absolutely zero effect on the rest of the season.