WASHINGTON, DC — With the confirmation of former District of Columbia Appeals Judge Brett Kavanaugh today, pundits agree that the United States Supreme Court now looks more like a list of sex offenders. “It’s an honor to work with Judge Kavanaugh,” said Clarence Thomas, who broke his silence to congratulate his fellow sex offender on the Supreme Court. “After long years of tiresome and harassing work,” Judge Thomas noted, “we finally are on a list of people to be proud of!” As Kavanaugh was confirmed, sex offenders everywhere wondered if they may also be Supreme Court justices one day.